Deeper Listening with Self and Others

Deeper Listening with Self and Others

May 15, 2017

All of us are familiar with the phrase – “Life is what you make it.” Restated, it could be said that the goal could be to experience all that is here to be experienced by us, or to be in our wholeness.

Ruth King, mindfulness teacher, writes that “There is no greater gift to ourselves than our willingness to be present to our own lives ~ the good, the bad, and the ugly ~ and we do this most effectively through Mindfulness or Insight.” ( see https://ruthking.net/ , “Healing Rage: Women Making Inner Peace Possible”)

What is necessary to come into this sense of wholesomeness is to get out of the old story, narratives, and remove the lens of misperception caused by egocentric conditioning. One helpful way for Ruth is to have a mantra phrase she uses with herself when confrontation arises - “life is not personal, not permanent, not perfect”. This is a reminder for her that the act and perception of it is not “all about me”, is not going to be permanent for change is a constant, is not my way which usually involves arrogance or be indignant.

Standing back from judgment, at least two steps, can we see things differently? This requires a deeper listening. It requires a sense of presence with your true self as well as with the other.

For the self, the first step of mindfulness is to relax and come into relationship with body and breath. Then, one way of looking at the challenge of the moment is to sit and have tea with the demons that are being faced. This story analogy, from Buddhism and the demon Mara that confronted Guatama, is to invite the demons to have tea with you. Do not reject and push away. Sit and see what is here.

For connecting with the other, it is to engage in mindful conscious conversation. This requires unprogramed presence, the willingness to be a receiver. It requires standing back from fixing, comparing, and judgment. It requires us to be a good listener. The process of nonviolent communication, known as NVC, is helpful here. (See https://www.cnvc.org)

Being a good receiver takes practice. It requires that we recondition the way we have done it in the past and then the discipline to remember to do it.

Take time each day to sit and listen - to the inner dialog of you, and then with another for the inner dialog of them. Connect.

The Dali Lama has noted that the next step for enlightenment for us, both individually and as the human species, is to develop community.